


Teardrops

by mikashisui



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bathing/Washing, Comfort, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Needles, Nen (Hunter X Hunter), Pain, Rain, Sleepy Cuddles, Touching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:54:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28483467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikashisui/pseuds/mikashisui
Summary: The magician listens to the menacing breeze from outside, the cruel thunderstorms, and the ruthless downpour. The rain reminds him of the assassin; the gloomy sky and clouds, of the haze in his eyes, the raindrops trickling down the surface of the windows, of his feathery touch traveling the bumps of his skin, the harsh winds, of his hot breath caressing him, the smell of damp earth, of the natural scent of his flesh and hair, and the sound of drizzle, of his soft voice.
Relationships: Hisoka & Illumi Zoldyck, Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck
Comments: 10
Kudos: 148





	Teardrops

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! And Happy New Year! I hope everyone has had a good start to the year! (˶◕‿◕˶✿)
> 
> This is an idea I had discussed with my friend Mira one day, and I really wanted to try and see how it would turn out if I wrote it as a fan fiction, I've also tried using present tense for the first time because I was curious, so here it is!
> 
> Thank you Aikasa_chan for beta reading this and giving me some more ideas/tips, I am always so grateful for your help, and thanks to my friends on Discord for helping me find a title. It was a lot of fun discussing it with you all! (≧▽≦)
> 
> I hope everyone enjoys! ♡

The storm is merciless that night.

Alone in the living room, sits the magician.

He listens to the menacing breeze from outside, the cruel thunderstorms, and the ruthless downpour. The rain reminds him of the assassin; the gloomy sky and clouds, of the haze in his eyes, the raindrops trickling down the surface of the windows, of his feathery touch traveling the bumps of his skin, the harsh winds, of his hot breath caressing him, the smell of damp earth, of the natural scent of his flesh and hair, and the sound of drizzle, of his soft voice. 

His finger taps on the couch, in the same rhythm, accompanying the dance of the rainfall outside as he waits, and he remembers, for a second, how much Illumi likes the rain. He told him one day, "It’s comforting, it calls out to me," and Hisoka had only stroked his hair in response, "But I don’t like it when it rains on me." The magician had chuckled, purring on his skin, "Come to me whenever it rains."

The soft click of the front door interrupts his thoughts. The magician turns his head to the side, follows the source of the sound, and sees his love, except he is not _there_. The assassin stands motionless, colorless, lifeless, feet, glued to the blood-colored carpet, arms, falling limp on both sides, like broken instrument strings, fingers, curled, like withering petals, shoulders, bearing the weight of a thousand feathers, hair, damp; each lock, each end, lets a drip escape, it falls, and shatters like pieces of crystals. 

"Welcome back love," The magician rises up from the couch, noisily, strides towards the assassin, each step confident but careful, assured but calculated. He reaches the man, one hand holding the other’s, and one traveling up to a porcelain cheek. Illumi freezes, as if it were even possible. His skin already feels as cold as ice, and as Hisoka caresses his fingertips, they are crisp and frozen. The flesh of his face feels frigid, sharp, forbidding, and mirrors his soulless obsidian orbs.

"Illu, darling," Hisoka says, quietly. There is no response, and the only sounds that are heard are the screaming teardrops of the storm and the soft crickle of the flames from the fireplace. "You are soaked, glacial," Illumi stares ahead still, into nothingness, a real silent abyss. "Let’s get you dried off," Hisoka lets go of the man’s face, pulls him a little instead, and guides him to the bathroom, palm loose but firm around the other’s, whose steps are ponderous.

" _Hisoka_ ," The latter speaks, finally, lets his head drop onto the man’s shoulder, heavily, painfully, unable to move, to touch, his beloved one. "Yes, my love?" Hisoka responds, asks, and notices Illumi’s shuddering arms and shoulders, feels a trail of hot breath tickling the skin of his neck and the fluttering eyelashes of his closed eyes. "Needles, the needles, hurt, they hurt," is all Illumi manages to blurt out.

The magician understands, "Yes dear, will you let me take them out for you?" He asks, and feels the other nodding, slightly, barely, in the deep crook of his neck, "Yes," Illumi says, because he doesn’t have the strength, nor the courage to do so, even if he wanted to. "Come here love," Hisoka sits on the side of the bathtub, makes the other sit on one of his thighs.

Hisoka doesn’t have to ask _where_ , because he already knows, and so both of his hands travel to Illumi’s raven hair, cascading over his shoulders like moonglow curtains, still moistened by the pouring rain, and brushes them to the side, reunites the locks together. Then he notices the needles, exactly where he knew they were, where they were most of the time, for hours and hours, and days, and brings his fingers to them. Fingertips brushing against the round and golden medal of a needle, Hisoka asks, "Illu, sweetheart, are you ready?" Illumi doesn’t say anything, stays silent, and Hisoka doesn’t push it, waits instead, and runs his fingers through the other’s hair to untangle a few trapped locks.

"I’m ready," He whispers, hands gripping on Hisoka’s shoulders, who leaves a sweet peck on his forehead. He moves his fingers back to the needles, and notices the weak but persistent _nen_ around them. He pulls, starting with the first one at Illumi’s nape, and feels the grasp on his shoulders tightening, nails digging inside his pink skin, and he asks, "How do you feel?", Illumi just hums, silently, and Hisoka knows that his insides are screaming.

He doesn’t bother asking again, just proceeds and removes the needles, one by one, each one of them, softly, carefully, as if a single wrong move would further break the man beneath his touch, and then he feels Illumi holding him, grasping him, pulling him in, chests colliding, and he almost sobs, chokes on his words, says weakly and out of breath, "It hurts, Hisoka. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts," He repeats the words, over and over and over again, and his voice breaks a little more each time.

Hisoka stops, lets the man catch his breath and gain his composure. He holds Illumi close to him and shushes him, "You’re fine. It’ll be alright soon, I promise," But Illumi can barely hear anything that is said, and his eyes roll back, grip on Hisoka loosening. The latter notices it, feels it, and grabs Illumi’s cheeks with both hands, "My darling Illu, come back to me, there are only a few left," Hisoka searches for his eyes, and finds them; they are half-lidded, ready to close, always so glossy, filled with clouds and a soft haze. "Come back to me dear," and Illumi does, looks at Hisoka for the first time that evening, and swallows back the pain, nodding and resting his head on the other’s shoulder once again.

The last needle, implemented deep within Illumi’s core, is always the most excruciating, and his gut-wrenching scream leaves Hisoka agonizing as he feels his loved one crumbling in his arms. The more he pulls, the louder and the more uncontrolled Illumi’s cries get. He feels the vibrations of Illumi screeching up to his bones, and he wants to stop feeling the knife twist and turn in his heart, and he wants to stop _hurting_ Illumi, but he keeps going, breathes in, and pulls at the needle one last time, removing it in a gentle and swift motion, and ignoring Illumi’s shrieking.

It falls to the ground as Hisoka immediately embraces Illumi. The latter sighs in relief and sheds tears; they flow uncontrollably like the pouring rain outside and they fall heavily on Hisoka. The pressure is just as harsh, because all the memories, the repressed emotions, the fear, the pain, the sadness, the loneliness and the sorrow, wash over him like the storm did earlier. He reaches out to his needles, desperately, but Hisoka stops him, "Don’t. Please my love,"

And Illumi gazes at Hisoka, almost hisses, "I need them back inside of me, I need them," He whimpers, breath shaky, lips trembling, tears forming jewels on his eyelashes, charcoal orbs filled with an indescribable sadness Hisoka wasn’t able to decipher just a few moments ago. "I need them, it hurts, it hurts even more when I don’t have them," He sniffles, and Hisoka just wraps his arms around Illumi’s fragile figure, "Please love, allow yourself to rest tonight," and Illumi is ready to protest, but Hisoka cuts him, always so softly, "Rest tonight, I will be right there, I am right here," and as he strokes the small of Illumi’s back, he feels the man suspire, "That’s it darling,"

Illumi calms down a few minutes later, and breathes easy. His shoulders have stopped shaking, from the coldness of the rain, and the pain. Hisoka is unable to tell if his love is drenched in rain or cold sweat, perhaps both, still, he says, "I will run the bath for you my love," And plants a kiss on the tip of the man’s nose, on his forehead a few times, and waits for a response. Illumi doesn’t feel like talking, so he doesn’t, just nods a little instead, in the crook of Hisoka’s neck, just like he is so used to doing.

The magician shifts, carefully, lightly, fearful of damaging the petite figure in his arms. He turns on the water, lets the bath run, and asks, "Illu, can you move?", but he does not wait for a response this time. Always so tenderly, Hisoka moves his hands, grabs Illumi by his small arms, easily, pulls him up, slowly, but with enough force to let the man know that he has to move. The assassin understands, stands up, doesn’t bother to lean his weight onto Hisoka, whose hands are still working.

The assassin is still a bit unconscious. His clothes are removed, one by one, and Hisoka makes sure not to surprise the man by any means. He starts with the top, and Illumi’s skin is revealed, like a pandora box Hisoka is dying to discover, it shines under the faint lights of the room, and drops of water, from the pouring rain, from the cold sweat, from the pain, drizzle down the small of his porcelain back, and as a gentle breeze grazes him, Illumi shivers, shoulders slightly trembling, hands around Hisoka tightening, head nuzzling further deep into the crook of the other’s neck, "I’m cold", is what he whispers.

"A few more minutes, and I will warm you up," Hisoka checks the temperature of the water, dips a finger in it to make sure it is what his love needs, and proceeds to remove the other’s clothes, until he is completely bare, vulnerable, in his arms. Illumi is led inside the bathtub, he sits, and a sigh of delight escapes from his lips as his body meets warmth, but as Hisoka’s touch leaves his body, a whine is heard, Hisoka feels a desperate grasp of his hand, and waves of panic flash through coal orbs, Illumi asks, "Where?", and Hisoka hums in wonder, "Where are you going?"

"I am not leaving my love," The magician says, reassures the assassin, lets go of his hand so he can strip. He joins the man in his little cocoon, ignoring the spilling of extra water from the bathtub as he goes inside. He sits behind Illumi, and embraces him from the back, a silent reminder that whispers, _I am right here_ , the other understands, and exhales in comfort, throws his head on Hisoka’s shoulder, the same one he loves so much.

They stay quiet for some time. Hisoka knows it is what Illumi needs, so he doesn’t speak, just massages his hair with shampoo, mint and vanilla, because it calms the other, scratches his scalp with the ends of his nails, sending shivers of pleasure down Illumi’s spine. He rubs the small of Illumi’s back, in little circles, just the way he likes it, and leaves pecks all over his skin, mumbles every time he does, praising him with compliments.

After the bath, Hisoka dries both of them off, puts on clothes, ruffles Illumi’s hair, and runs his fingers through his beautiful, raven strands, untrapping every trapped lock, ensuring there are no knots in his loved one’s hair. He pecks Illumi’s nose, lovingly, and pulls him to the bedroom, tucking him under warm sheets, and sneaking in beside him, resting on soft cushions. 

"Where did you come from my dear? A mission?" The magician says, and deep down, he knows the answer, but he still asks, hoping that the answer wouldn’t be the one he expected to be, but the assassin responds, "No, from the estate", and Hisoka feels a twitch of his heartstrings at the mention of _estate_ , the one place he knows Illumi fears yet adores so much.

Hisoka hates it, hates watching his love come _home_ every night, suffering, drenched in blood, or rain, and pain, with his needles being the only thing that keeps him still standing on his two feet, hates himself, for not being able to do anything, because whenever he moves, ready to pounce at whatever comes near Illumi - his _family_ \- the latter always shyly but surely grabs his hand, strokes the back of it with his thumb, leans in the crook of his neck and whispers, "Don’t", and Hisoka is only able to squeeze his hand back, and swallow the rage, the fury, the wrath, and the guilt.

They lay in bed together, like every night, Hisoka tells him, asks him, "Love, have you eaten? Love, are you still cold? Love, how do you feel?", and Illumi, soft, and quiet under the sheets, eyes closed, breathing gently, says, "Soka, could you be quiet? My head hurts,"

"Ah, sorry dear," Hisoka speaks. He gazes at Illumi, observes him, the way he would observe a sculpture in a museum, built in the most precise, divine ways. Illumi reminds him of a painting, mesmerizing, features colored in faint colors, subtle hues, the only visible taint being the flush of his cheeks and ears after a warm shower. He watches as the man’s eyelashes flutter at each breath, as his lips part ways, letting out soft and hot puffs of air, as his chest slowly moves up and down, easily.

"Are you asleep?" And Hisoka does not receive a response as he brushes locks of raven hair out of the man’s pale face. He kisses his forehead goodnight, his nose, the beauty spot on the corner of his mouth, caresses his cheek in endearment with his thumb, and then his lips. "I wish I had met you sooner, I wish I had been able to save you, perhaps then you wouldn’t be in so much pain," He whispers, into the void, to an unconscious Illumi, "I wish to protect you,"

He shifts, body turning to the other side, to give the assassin some space, some rest, turning off the dim lights of the bedroom. He hopes that Illumi does not scream like he does every night, twist and turn in his sleep, grasp the sheets, desperately, cold sweat trickling down his flesh, panting, and whimpering loudly, until he wakes up, and realizes it was only a dream, a nightmare, a hidden reality.

The magician closes his eyes. The only sounds that are heard are the gentle winds of the storm, the soft thunders, and the inviting rainfall. Hisoka can also hear Illumi's tranquil breathing, can feel his hot breath on his nape, and the warmth emanating from the body beside him.

Then, he senses a small shift, a pull at the sheets of the mattress, and Hisoka is ready to hold Illumi, fear rising up at the thought of his love having to endure another sleepless night. But all he feels instead, is an arm around his waist, and a pull at it. Illumi moves closer to him, chest on his back, chin on his shoulder, cheek against his cheek, he hugs Hisoka, who can feel his heartbeats, like the tender melody of the rainfall, he embraces him, squeezes a little at times, and murmurs, "Goodnight Hisoka,"

The latter smiles, brings his hand over Illumi’s, and mutters,

"Sweet dreams, my love."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Feedback is very much appreciated! ♡
> 
> Also, I am @MikashiSui on Twitter if anyone is interested! (〃ω〃)


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